what if you were holding a puppy and being like “aw whos the cutest wittle puppy in the whole wide world?” it responded in a grown mans voice just like “i am the cutest puppy in the whole wide world”
Me when I play video games
- Me: Fucking die already
- Me: I swear to jesus if I die one more time
- Me: I'M GONNA KILL A MAN I FUCKING DIED AGAIN
- Me: Oh shit hottie alert
- Me: Move bitch, get out the way
- Me: *high pitched screaming*
- Me: Load already
- Me: uNACCEPTABLE
- Me: I'm fucking done. Done. Done with everything.
- Me: *turns off console*
- Me: *turns console back on*
- Me: God fucking dammit.
Today in geometry, this guy was going on a rant about how we waste paper and it’s killing trees and I was getting really annoyed and turn around and yell “YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE WAS A WASTE OF PAPER!” and the class got really quiet and then you hear my teacher go ohhhhh snap she went there
the day is january 1st, 3009. a group of humans listen to boom boom pow. when fergie says that she is so 3008 they all stand shocked and realise. fergie is now behind the times. fergie herself has become 2000 and late. this is unbelievable news to the humans. hours later the planet descends into war and chaos.
So my sister and mum were talking about periods and my dad said, “I don’t need to worry when my period is because penises don’t bleed.” I instantly responded, “They do if you cut them off.”
I have never seen my mum laugh that hard at anything in my life.
Okay who brought it back.
this girl that sits with me was complaining..about another girl. because she likes the same band as her “but doesn’t dress like it” so obviously she doesn’t really listen to them
how do you DRESS like the music you listen to???
as an imagine dragons fan i am never seen not in a full dragon costume
real fans imagine the dragon costume
i’m a bare naked ladies fan and let me tell you
I will wear what I want.
I will get tattoos if I want.
I will wear makeup if I want.
I will dye my hair if I want.
I will pierce whatever I want.
I will shave what I want.
I will lose weight if I want.
I will gain weight if I want.
I will have sex if I want.
if you don’t get my Harry Potter references then there’s something siriusly ron with you.
my dad was taking me driving and after i parked i got out and checked then shouted “IM STRAIGHT-well at least my parking job is” and my dad slams his hand onto the dashboard and goes “YOU COULDNT HAVE WAITED UNTIL COLLEGE TO MAKE THAT JOKE NOW I OWE YOUR MOM TEN BUCKS I DIDNT THINK YOU WOULD ADMIT IT YET” so thats the story of how my parents have been betting on when id come out